February 26, 2010

Way too Focused on Friday! Too much to do!

AWAKE AT 1:45 am!

Really I am awake with the thoughts of all the things I need to do this weekend and this FRIDAY espeically.
I do it to myself.  I over extend myself until I snap!  Today might be one of those days.  Way WAY too much to do and so little time.  I know I have to do all these things and I can feel the tention in my neck and my jaw, but knowing and doing them are two different things. 

So here I sit AWAKE so early in the morning, making my lists and making sure I have a defined time line to accomplish them all today FRIDAY.

My own Tweet from tonight before bed:

Soooo much tooo doooo in the AM wallyworld,
cricus, post office, gas, work, plastic soda bottles ~ kids, dinner & scouts

Another one I liked was:

If U R distressed by anything external,
the pain is not due 2 the thing itself,
but 2 yr estimate of it.~AURELIUS

So today I stress and this weekend I REST!  Bit of give and take to make sure that children are allowed to be children and that the house does not fall in around us!

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February 25, 2010

Thinking Thursday - Innocence and Childhood

Today I got to thinking - ie thinking thursday, so I was thinking could be better than being innocent and pure?

I think I have touched on this before, but when you really sit back and watch children in the middle of play it makes me want to be a child again just to have that feeling of nothing important to do except play and play hard. Their minds are going 100X faster than ours, they talk and play, they make up voices and different roles for each toy, it is awesome to watch.
The boys have a knack for being BOYS ~ Be it finding ice crystals http://jromamma365.blogspot.com/2010/02/365-53-ice-crystals.html as we did on our last family walk or be it simple play like you see here with our youngest and his castle.  It is all new and fresh, clean and almost perfect.  Childhood is something we all try to grow out of way too quickly and are unable to regain once it is over.

As a parent I try very hard to give my children experiences that will help them grow and absorb as good times together.  I will NEVER force my children into sports or art classes, I will allow them to ask for it or even ask them if they are intrested.  But forcing a child to enjoy something that "you" like is not childhood.  We should see that as adults trying to relive their childhood through their children, and that is unhealthy.  So for now I will sit back and watch my boys play and watch them fight.  And I will pray for them as they grow and hopefully they can look back at their childhhod and remember great times together.

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February 24, 2010

WAKE UP ! ! ! ! ! WEDNESDAY Tears & Rest

~ Every day offers you 10,000 reasons to cry, but if you can find just one reason to laugh then you will be alright. - Maya Angelou

So to follow the unplanned theme this week I ask you, have you ever cried so much that afterward you just fall asleep afterward?

It does not happen often to me, but when it does, I look back at what was bothering me and decide if it was really worth all the energy.  Women do this much more than men, but I think children do it even more. Crying is healthy and normal, and many times I find it is a huge way of relieving the built up stress.  I always have and I always will. 

Please do not just have a cry because you want to get rid of stress, but if you do get to a breaking point crying allows so much to flow and then be over with. My husband would say that I have a build up about every three months, but what he does not know and might now, is that it happens more often.  In the car during the ride to or from work, or just late at night when I can not sleep.  Lately with the Olympics on I find myself crying at the interviews or commericials, it is crazy what will make me cry, the human emotional roller coaster is a BLAST!!  Crying - I do not see it as a bad thing, nor am I trying to hide it.  Crying is a great thing for me to work towards rest.  So WAKE up People and cry if you have to, there is nothing to hide!

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February 23, 2010

Truthful Tuesday...Rest is needed

It's important to be heroic, ambitious, productive, efficient, creative, and progressive, but these qualities don't necessarily nurture the soul. The soul has different concerns, of equal value: downtime for reflection, conversation, and reverie; beauty that is captivating and pleasuring; relatedness to the environs and to people; and any animal's rhythm of rest and activity.

~Thomas Moore (1779 - 1852)

Ever had someone flatter you to the point of blushing? Well today I did, he is older man, a man whom I respect, one who has known my husband since he was 18months old, our asthma doctor. He made me blush! Really! So I am running with a theme week that I had not planned but was reminded today by my asthma doctor how important it is to REST.

To continue with making me blush, he sat down looked me right in the eyes and said, "Wow you look so calm and healthy". Now please know that most times that I see him I have two children in tow, who are at each other like a cat and dog stuck in a car for days, or one of them is sick and I have to bring them both in fear of missing pick up afterschool. To say the least I am almost never "not" stressed out when I see him. So today it was "my" appointment and my time, unrushed and unhurried by a deadline. It was a pleasant surprise to have such a nice complement given to me on my day off, my day to kind of rest.

Again I was reminded by a few simple and kind words how having rest can change the way a person comes across to others. And to be honest I was reminded that I need to have rest to be a "heroic, ambitious, productive, efficient, creative, and progressive" mother, wife and friend!

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February 21, 2010


What does the Bible really say about the Sabbath?
It is generally assumed that Sunday is the correct day.
Is it possible that all of these churches are wrong on this fundamental doctrine?
And, after all, does it make any difference?
Do we not have to adjust our religion to the changing times?
Was not the law—including the Sabbath—"nailed to the cross" when Christ died?
What about scriptures like Galatians 4:10 or Colossians 2:16—do they not prove that it does not matter which day we keep? Was not Christ resurrected on Sunday, thus His day is the "Lord's Day?" http://sabbath.org/

So what do I think about the Sabbath?  Well I know it is supposed to be a day of rest, but for a mother, does that ever really happen? NO!  So I consider minutes in my days as my Sabbath, minutes to hours where I get time to think, read or even use the potty, as my Sabbath.  I know it sounds funny, but bathroom time alone is some of the only times we get as moms (parents) to be alone.  In this crazy mixed up world we all have to take minutes in our day to be alone. 

As I close out a week of school vacation, I see that my time while they are at school, is some of the most mentally  productive time I have in my week.   While many of you might carve out more than minutes or hours for your sabbath, I must carve out time during my hours to build a Sabbath of my own.   This past week has been stressful and heart breaking for me, I know I will never get those hours back.   I must take in the minutes we spent together and realize that I am trying my best to carve out time for me and time for my family all with a delicate balance.

So this week I am not asking Why Monday?  This week I am praising the name of Monday.

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February 19, 2010


not really sure what I mean by not quite there, but I am not quite there!

I am here sitting here, in the rain soaked day of the end of september dreaming of warmer days, days were I do not feel like shit, day where my young bones do not ache due to the amount of water in the air or the presure in the atmosphere! wondering if this is really where I wanna be? Am I not quite there?

Not sure, never really sure where I am from minute to minute, day to day, week to week...all I know is that I feel as though there is another place I should be. Maybe it is the fact that I am adopted, and I get this feeling every so often of being left out, left behind or most alone, even though I am surrounded by people who love me for me, and not for what I could have been or where I came from. They love me for me, the care about me because I am a mother, friend, leader and all else a woman. I am not judged on the facts of my birth or the fact that I could have been this or that, or where I might have lived had my birthmother desided to keep me. I am glad I am not judged on all those things, but still in the back of my head I feel like I have been left out of something greater. Something I can not find, something that is "Not quite there!"

My house is not quite there either, my car is not quite there, I am NOT QUITE THERE - will it ever be there? Who knows, who cares? Well not many but ME, I care if I get to the point where I stop asking am I there yet?

Does being a mother get you closer to that feeling of completness? I DO NOT THINK SO!
I am stuck, and feeling much alone from day to day. Is anything ever quite there? I do not think so.
Do I have a greater purpose in life? Not sure! I could or this could be it, either way I can only try and work with what I am given. I have been given the art of writting, creating, drawing, painting and so many other outlets, but which one is the best, which one is going to best describe what I want it to?

Another unanswered question, well atleast by me, it will be unanswered by me for years.

On to the next biggest thing, who knows what it is but I guess I will know when I hit it head on!

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This week gave me a deeper look into the life of a mother, not only my own life but a few other mothers in my life too. As I traveled through my busy week I encountered a few moms who had to make choices.

This First was that of the teen mother, one I do not and will not ever know, my biological mother. Through the book I am reading I have started to connect more and more with her thoughts and the idea of loss. Now to most of us bringing up loss of a loved one might be hard to swallow, but for me it is a healing process. This book is a great insight into the loss I might have suffered as an infant, child and teen, because I was adopted at birth. I am not finished with the book yet, so I will hold off on more details, but know this one thing, "I feel the loss of her as a positive thing, and a pain that will not and cannot just go away".

The Second mother I encountered this week is a hard working mom and wife. She does not get a pay check for her endless love of volunteering and endless love of many just causes, but her pay comes with having time with her (and her husband’s) adopted child. However this week a breaking point was reached with all her commitments and she had to say enough is enough. It was a hard point to get to, but unlike many of us she was able to see that something had to give, and it was not going to be her 3 year old precious child. For me to see another mother at her breaking point really put it into FOCUS ~ that we as mothers are NOT superhuman nor are we there to do it all.

Yet another mother I encountered this week, I never even saw in the flesh. Just by going to the library with my own children and running into the sitter with my friends’ children, I learned that sometimes it is OK to ask for help, epically when you are run down, sick or just plain old over stressed out. I am not sure at what point this mom was at, but it was Awesome to see her reaching out.

As mothers we all have to get to a point when we say enough is enough, we all need to ask for help and look into the faces of other mothers for the right support. This week has given me a FOCUS on motherhood that can many times get very very blurry.


February 18, 2010

Thinking Thursday

Children Play and as they do their minds are all wrapped around an idea or a toy.  They are in their own worlds.  I always wonder what they are thinking, I often wonder what most people are thinking ?  What are people thinking at all different times in their lives. 

We are all different and we all think differently, espcially men and women.  So here I sit watching my boys play and listening to them talk to themselves and not to one another.  They play on the floor with cars, legos, well pretty much anything and can make it a game.  For me I can not think like them but I can sit and enjoy their play and their enjoyment of being a child and living in a childs world.  I love taking this all in.

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February 17, 2010

Wake Up Wednesday

Ok Day three of school vacation and I have survived so far.  I SAID SO FAR...
I have been blessed with a mother-in-law who has been willing to watch the boys both last friday and again today, allowing me to work and give me a break.  I have said a thousand times, they are great boys alone but together they are fighters and brothers to the end.  When they are together they just try little things to get to one another and then it all get blown out of control. I have tried hard to find things for them to do alone, allowing one another space to be by themselves, but it always ends up as some sort of fight.

So tonight I pray, I will pray that they will WAKE UP and be able to come together as brothers and not as fighters.  On monday I was reminded by a fellow blogger, that prayer for my children and their future is so very important, not only long term but short term too.  So tonight I will pray for them.  Will you pray for your children tonight?

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February 15, 2010

Truthful Tuesday

As I am about to sleep I am reviewing in my head the first few pages of the book that I am starting to read again.  I say again because I bought this book a few years back and tried to sit and read it, but found I was unable to do so.  Not because of the topic but because of the constant intruptions from children and life.  So on the shelf it went.  I will not name the book until I finish and do a full review of it, but for now let me say I have new insight.

This book tackles the adult brian of an adopted child.  One thing that brought me to tears so fast in this book was the idea that we as the adopted rarely are able to deal with the loss of our heritage and culture as well as so many other things that could have been.  We all touch on the idea of being different, and how that is what makes us so whole as an adoptee.  Children who are adopted are given a chance, a gift and love, that they might not have gotten if they had not been adopted.  I am so greatful for all those things, and so much more that I have been given over the years, I know I am blessed with amazing parents who love "me" for me! 

We read the stories of the biological mother who had her child at birth and asked/allowed others to raise that baby or the adopted  parent who was unable to have a child of their own or were just so full of love that they wanted to adopt children in need.  We read about how each one of them is given time to greive and work through the loss.  What is done for the adult adoptee who was adopted at birth and had a great childhood?  Are we ever asked to deal with the loss? I can not recall!As far as I can remember, I can't pin point a time where I cried over loosing my biological mother.  I never even thought about it until now.

I will continue to share more as I read more in this book, but for now I know that I will be thinking of the loss that happened to all of those involved in my story.  From my mother and father to my biological mother.  Each one should be given the time to greive over this loss.

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I guess today I am not at bitter as I sometimes can be on a Monday morning, and that is rare especially today, when I have the boys’ home from school all week. Ask me again on Friday how I feel, even better ask me next Monday how I feel!

This past weekend we did lots but at the same time we did very little. And in all it was good!

I am not a huge believer of Valentine's Day; I think it is all a ploy. I think that if people LOVE each other they should love each other EVERYDAY! No just one day during the year. We should be able to show our love each day we see the one we love, and if we are not in "LOVE" we should show kindness to others every day. Just my two cents on Valentine's Day. I do have to give praise to Pickle and Booger, as well as my Hubby. All three gave me a card on their own. And my hubby gave me a bracelet charm and Apron. I know that sounds awful (apron) but I had asked for one for Christmas, and failed to receive one, so Valentine's Day came through for me. I was thrilled. However I sported a big old "FAIL" because I did not get any of them a Card and only got them each some candy. Again I was not really in the mood for Valentine's Day. But in all two home cooked meals for the three of them, filled their bellies and warmed their hearts I am sure!

Speaking of LOVE, I tried to start the week off with an explanation to the boys! I asked them to treat each other not as enemies, but as they would their friends at school. Be kind, not yell and respect the others thoughts and ideas. Now let’s see if we all can do that this week, otherwise it will be a long one and I will have lots to write!

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February 11, 2010

thinking thursday

Looking at yesterday and how I must have faith in God to lead me. 
But as I was reminded today, I can not sit around and wait for things to just happen.  I am also going to have to work toward my faith and work with my faith to make my path. This has been a hard long week in regards to working and juggling family and next week looks like it will be a challange again.  But keeping faith that all things will come together is something I must keep focused on.

February 10, 2010

Wake Up Wednesday

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. ~ Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)
Faith in the Lord that He will provide what is needed for us when it is needed.
Let Go & Let God. Let Him give to us, once we lay it all down at the foot of the cross for him to deal with as He likes.  As I move forward in my daily life and my work life - I am reminded that sometimes I need to just ask for guidance and take the path I am guided to! Sure I might question the path or wonder why I am doing what I am doing, but in knowing that I am not completely in control I have to sometimes (OK most of the time~Alright All of the time) Let Go and Let God!   My husband said it nicely the other day when he stopped by my office, "she used to be so much less forgiving of others". And for those who have known me a long time know how much that statement rings true! I could tell stories of how I would rip a waiter or waitress apart for somthing they had little control over, it was quite sad.  So now while on my continued Path, I see that I have changed, I have questioned and I have faltered, but during this time my faith has not failed me, in fact it is stronger then ever! So this week I will try and continue to Let Go and Let God! Will you?


February 8, 2010

Monday why Monday?

Today was one of those days where no matter who you are, you head into work willing to talk to others about the "game"! I am not a huge fan of sports but this game seems to be pretty much the only game I will watch most of. I do however, always watch the commericals so I know what people are talking about, but this year I was looking for one in particular. One that was filling the media for the past few weeks is Focus on the Family's ad with Tim Tebow. The ad it's self was not offensive I found it to be funny and light hearted. I really think that those opposed to this ad should visit their website http://www.focusonthefamily.com/  and really look deep with in their hearts!  Here is the ad that ran on 2/7/10

Also that while looking into finding the ad on youtube.com
I did find a very funny ad that really made me laugh.

I am not sure why being ProLife offends so many people, we as humans
should love one another and remember that life begins at conception.


February 5, 2010

Focus on Friday

This week has been crazy busy, I am not going beyond my hours at work it just seems like there is more work to be had.
I love what I do but find it hard sometimes to stay focued on the prize!
What is the prize in the world of Non-Profit Ministry?
Well nothing!  OK OK not true, the prize is knowing each day you wake up is a gift from the lord!  Each day is a new adventure and new challange.  I am currently working on so many projects that my head spins.  From a Banquet, baby bottle campaign, Golf Tournement, Hike for Life, Movie Showings and a maketing plan just to name a few, and all done in under 20 hours a week!  REALLY!!! 

My job in this ministry is Much like parenthood, there is much work in parenting and we all struggle to find our daily reward.  But we wake up each morning to a wake up call that sounds a little like this "I WANT JUICE!!"  a simple demand from a child so early in the morning can really jar you, and make you want to crawl deeper into the covers.  However they already know you are there and there is no escape route.  So you get up make the kid a cup of juice and move forward in the day.

All while you stay FOCUSED  on the Prize.

I love being a mother of two.
And I love my job as a director of development in a non-profit ministry. 

Both are rewarding and both allow me to see the fruits of my lobor, all while not beeming on the new found prize.  But they allow me to sit back and see what has been accomplished.  They allow me to know I have tried my best and sometimes the best shows through while other times it goes un-noticed. 

Have a great weekend.

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February 3, 2010

wake up wednesday!

Really this week seems to drag!
From a child waking up at 2 am and dumping legos on the rug,
because he thought it was time to wake up (6:00 am)!  Which on
a regular school day he would sleep in till 7 am and then be slow slow
Nope not yesterday!

I am also kinda sick of making peanut butter and ham sandwiches at
7:15 am every day, and then for those same sandwiches to come
home and be eatten at 4:45 and then not eatting dinner! 
WHat is up with that?
Why do I bother to make him lunch?

Small things I guess in the whole picture of life, but to me they seem
to drive me crazy.

Like trying to figure out the brain and thought process of the men in my
house, reminder I am out numbered 3/1

The things that the three of them do drives me bonkers and most of it is
because I can not relate to the brain or thought process of the MALE! 
So why try now?
I guess I need to just WAKE UP!


February 1, 2010

Monday Why Mondays?

When the weekend ends I am almost relieved!
Does that sound awful?
Well I love my family and my home (most of the time) but there is something satisfying in head to work on a Monday morning. They kids are off to school and safe, the house is quite and I can snag my cup of coffee and chill for a few minutes before I am out the door!

For those who don't know me well, I love to sleep in and stay up late, I have been like that since well I am pretty much sure All my life! I think my foster parents even wrote that down for my mom and dad "enjoys her sleep"!

As much as mondays do not allow me to sleep in I also do not have to rush out the door either, which is great for me! I can say it is also good for those who have to see me first thing in the AM!

Be happy I am allowed to sleep ---

Mondays are Bad
Mondays are Good
Mondays are just here!