January 19, 2010

Truthful Tuesday - Adoption

Yesterday I touched on the fact that I was given life! How awesome is that? I think it is pretty cool.
And I am sure those who know me think the same thing! Well they better!

Today I want to be Honest with you all and answer a question I have gotten most of my life when people find out that I am an adoptee. They ask "have you ever wanted to find your birthmother?"

To be honest, yes and no! Kinda open ended right? Well there have been times in my life when I thought yeah it would be great to find my birthparents and connect with them and create a relationship with them, but there are times where I think "Nope"! I am 35 and in those 35 years I have had so many different feels on finding my birthmother that I could write a book, but to be honest once I was married and had children my feelings have been more toward not trying to connect with my birthparents. For the main reason that my adoption was a closed adoption and it has been 35 years since it happened. I ask myself a bunch of questions about her:

Is she still alive? If married did she tell her spouse? If she has children has she told them?
Was she ever counseled after the adoption? Does she want to be found?

I put myself in her shoes and ask how would I feel after 35 years if this person found me and claimed to be my biological child? Not sure how I would respond.

One more question I have gotten after I answer the first would be "aren't you curious to find out about them?"

SURE! Now that I have children and I am not getting any younger, I am very curious about how they look their health history, interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. I have the basic facts height, weight etc, but how cool would it be to see a photo? Read about what they have done since they were 17 years old etc. It would be great to know it all without knowing or have to get to know the person on a personal level.

The last major question I get is "So you have two sets of parents?"

NO WAY! I have my mom and dad who adopted me and raised me, there is NO other set of parents, they are my parents, and they gave me values, morals, goals, boundaries and most important LOVE! My mom and dad are just that MY PARENTS! I would never think of my biological mother as much more than a person who Choose Life for me and gave me a better life then she could at the time. She made a very difficult decision to allow My Mom and Dad to raise me as their own, with no connections or ties to them. AMAZING! I love My Mom and Dad, I think of them as nothing else.

So to be honest today on Truthful Tuesday ~ I love that I was Given LIFE and that in a hard time in her life, my birthmother was supported by others enough to be Prolife!

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Blogger Susie said...

I am a birthmother, recently reunited with my son after 30 years of the unknown. To answer your questions: Was she ever counseled? I doubt it, back then we were told to just go on with our lives. We were treated as incubators with no emotional ties to the child we gave life to. It was still the era where we were looked down on because we had sex outside of marriage. We were unworthy of keeping our children, it was not an option in most cases. Does she want to be found? Chances are yes. Most birthmothers from that era DO want to be found, they need questions answered also. She is also wondering if you are alive. Are you healthy, happy, did you get great parents? Those were my (almost daily) questions about my son. In my case, I had told my husband, but never talked to our children about my firstborn son that I lost to adoption. It was SO very painful to think about him, I physically & mentally was unable to talk about him. Seriously, in the 30 years I probably talked about him outloud less than 10 times. I thought about him always, kept him hidden inside my heart always. Thankfully you will never know the world as it was, how society was towards unmarried girls/women who became pregnant. In my case, abortion NEVER entered my head ~ probably never entered your mothers either. Your mother may have been supported enough by others to be pro-life, but was not supported enough to be a mother to you.

January 19, 2010 at 7:06 PM  
Blogger JRomamma said...

Susie - God Bless you and thank you so very much for your honest opinion. I have always wondered these things and I am glad I could read your shared thoughts on adoption. It is an amazing insight I have never had the pleasure reading.

Please keep in touch and feel free to follow my blog.

January 19, 2010 at 9:06 PM  

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